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Mad Girl's Love Song
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Jennifer.

Here I am, a bundle of past recollections and future dreams, knotted up in a reasonably attractive bundle of flesh. I remember what this flesh had gone through; I dream of what it may go through. I record here the actions of optical nerves, of taste buds, of sensory perception. And, I think: I am but one more drop in the great sea of matter, defined, with the ability to realize my existence.

Yesterday I was walking to class when it felt like the world was closing in on me. I was being suffocated from all sides and sat down for a very long time —I didn’t know if I could ever move again. Ever since then I have been exhausted; when I wake up, after I drink coffee, before I go to bed. I am pushing my way against waves every time I move. It’s all so confusing.

Filed under: mood, life, sad, depression,
I doubt sometimes whether
a quiet & unagitated life
would have suited me —yet I
sometimes long for it.
— Byron
Filed under: life, chaos, quiet, solitude, poetry, poet, byron, bipolar, manic depression, depression, anxiety, treatment, ED, eating disorder, anorexia, bulimia, unstable, mood,
Source:

My mood just took a free-fall off a cliff …into a hidden crater in the earth. I spent all last night crying about how sad it has been, suffering like this. How very sad.

Filed under: sad, depression, mood, eating disorder, anorexia, bulimia, depressed, lonely,

I feel as though I should just keep it to myself. It’s the same sob-story as always, with the same thoughts and the same conclusion. If I were someone else I would tire of it too.

Filed under: thoughts, self esteem, words, life, perfectionism, anxiety, eating disorder, anorexia, bulimia, treatment, recovery, ED, mood, sad, depression, cry,

I love my psychiatrist so much. I walk out of his office every time not only feeling like a worthy person but also feeling as though I can tackle every problem and lead a balanced life. It’s as though just by talking to me he realigns my skewed brain and everything makes so much sense.

Filed under: therapy, psychiatrist, treatment, recovery, depression, anxiety, perfectionism, anorexia, builimia, ED, eating disorder, mood,

I made a mistake.
I slipped farther and then a little farther.
Obsessive. Reality takes a back seat.
Everything seems so real —but its not.
Better late than never.

Filed under: mood, life, depression, anxiety, treatment, recovery, eating disorder, anorexia,

Sometimes the light falls on my face just right.

Filed under: light, dark, hope, life, mental illness, mental health, treatment, recovery, depression, happy,

My choice now clear:
go on or go under.
Hope, in arrears,
fades to far details.

Filed under: poetry, life, continue, mental health, mental illness, eating disorder, anorexia, bulimia, treatment, recovery, therapy, depression, sad, hope, details,

Sometimes I feel as though there was this period in adolescence wherein I was supposed to learn how to naturally cope with this world. And because I didn’t figure it out in time, the alarm went off and the chaos was let free. That all of this could have been prevented if I just learned —on time..

Filed under: mental health, mental illness, coping, coping tools, life, treatment, recovery, bipolar, mood, depression, anxiety, eating disorder, anorexia, bulimia, mania, manic, manic depression,

I can see the end-line
in the distance
but like a mirage
it gets farther and farther
away

Filed under: end, finish, mirage, hopeless, life, mental health, mental illness, treatment, depression, school, university,
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