Yesterday I was walking to class when it felt like the world was closing in on me. I was being suffocated from all sides and sat down for a very long time —I didn’t know if I could ever move again. Ever since then I have been exhausted; when I wake up, after I drink coffee, before I go to bed. I am pushing my way against waves every time I move. It’s all so confusing.
My mood just took a free-fall off a cliff …into a hidden crater in the earth. I spent all last night crying about how sad it has been, suffering like this. How very sad.
I feel as though I should just keep it to myself. It’s the same sob-story as always, with the same thoughts and the same conclusion. If I were someone else I would tire of it too.
I love my psychiatrist so much. I walk out of his office every time not only feeling like a worthy person but also feeling as though I can tackle every problem and lead a balanced life. It’s as though just by talking to me he realigns my skewed brain and everything makes so much sense.
I made a mistake.
I slipped farther and then a little farther.
Obsessive. Reality takes a back seat.
Everything seems so real —but its not.
Better late than never.
Sometimes the light falls on my face just right.
My choice now clear:
go on or go under.
Hope, in arrears,
fades to far details.
Sometimes I feel as though there was this period in adolescence wherein I was supposed to learn how to naturally cope with this world. And because I didn’t figure it out in time, the alarm went off and the chaos was let free. That all of this could have been prevented if I just learned —on time..
I can see the end-line
in the distance
but like a mirage
it gets farther and farther
away